Happy Drew Valentine's Day?

My daughter on Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day?

What is this day really about? We like to talk about it being a day to celebrate love, but it is really a day to celebrate romance. So often, I think Americans (and Westerners in general) equate the word "love" with romance and passion. However, many cultures view love and marriage differently. They view it more as being a good team member. It is more of a partnership between two people who care about each other. There is a recent article in the Atlantic called "Marry Him" about how too many women are looking for the perfect man who looks perfect, acts perfect shares the right interests and has that spark that makes their heart flutter. This is creating unrealistic expectations. Here is an interview with the author of the article. How do you feel about this? Do you think that our vision of love is too romantic and not practical enough?

Ray Short writes about the difference between love and infatuation in his book, Sex, Love or Infatuation. He explained that biologically, we have a rush of emotions when we "fall in love". This is romantic love and infatuation. But it isn't real love. It wears off. Biologically he said it will last for 6 months or so and then it wears off. After that, you see the other person more realistically and that means you have to make a conscious choice about being with this person. That is what real love is - it is a conscious choice to care about someone. Even when we are upset or angry with the other person we still choose to care about them and thus we still love them. The author of the book includes a list of a dozen or so key aspects of a relationship to examine. I found this blogpost that lists the key criteria to distinguish between real love and infatuation. The book was really a good source for me to sort through all of these emotions when I was going through high school and college. You can get it used from amazon for like $4.

For more sociological insight into Valentine's Day checkout this link and these posts from SocImages:

Cultural and Historical Variation

• “Vinegar Valentines”: Happy Valentine’s Day, I Hate You
• Love, Business, and Valentine’s Day in Pakistan
• Valentine’s Day in Japan
• Before Love: Puritan Beliefs about Sex and Marriage
• Valentine’s Day as Youth Rebellion in India

Race/Ethnicity

• Racist Vintage Valentine’s Day Cards: My Cheap Scottish Valentine
• Racist Vintage Valentine’s Day Cards: American Indians
• Racist Vintage Valentine’s Say Cards: Asians and Asian Americans
• Racist Vintage Valentine’s Day Cards: Africans and African Americans

Heteronormativity

• Have a Very Straight Valentine’s Day

Compulsory Coupling:

• Fit in by Finding Someone, says Frito Lay
• The Social Construction of Solitude

Gender

• The Feminization of Love and Masculinization of Sex (pictured)
• Violent Metaphors in Vintage Valentine’s Day Cards
• Do Men Want Flowers?
• The Sexes are “Opposite”
• Pretty Girls Get Lots of Stuff

Marketing:

• Measuring Love with $$$
• Men are Loved and Women are Property

Consumption:

• Do You Know that Valentine’s Day is Coming? Do you? DO YOU!?
• The Sweet Smell of Environmental Degradation
• Love for Sale with Dogboy and Mr. Dan